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Thursday, April 3, 2008

What More Can I Do?...Are You Not Entertained?

The New Look

Part Of The GOMGI Team

Tarsis And Me
Hope your Shoulder Heals Soon So You Can
Give Em Hell At Mundials Bro
Thanks For The Help!

Passa La Guarda


Woke up at 205.6....Happy that I am maintaining my weight...It's a wonder that I am as it seems every night since early on into my last trip I've been sweating profusely at night, and I had that bout of being really sick for a while...

As for me, feeling a bit unmotivated since I got back. Not sure why. well there are a few reasons but I feel bad that they bother me. One big one is, I am back home. Back to the issues with work, my personal life and interpersonal relationships with people and things that place a great amount of stress on me, and I am worried about tomorrow's surgical procedure on my neck. If you are a praying person, send one up for me on this. The one before I left was serious, and seems to be a big help in making me more mobile, but the one tomorrow is more delicate and the disks/vertebrae affected as well as the area are very sensitive. My head and neck have been and are killing me, and I really don't know why. The obvious is the issue I am going to have worked on tomorrow, but this feels different for some reason. As for training, just not sure why, but the desire isn't there right now. Politics and other things just are making things kind of burdensome. Hope I can get past it soon. When I left to train, it was great because that's all I had to worry about...all I had to do...and no worries inside or outside the gym...Only thing I was worried about was my performance at Pan Ams and making sure that my performances in training were up to par. Coach Allen said if I won Pan Ams, and I felt like I could hold my own at Brown Belt, then we would talk about promoting me. Only thing is, I am not sure he really feels like he wants to do this for many reasons, though I don't think me being unworthy is one it still feels kind of disrespectful for me to have to ask, so that burdens me as well, as a I was asked why I hadn't been bumped up yet couple instructors as well as competitors that I have beaten before, and the other tough guys that were at my level that have all moved on. Ehh. I dunno...Will pray on it. Oh, I hate money. :( Whoever said mo money, mo problems was full of shit! Seems I won't be able to afford to go to the World Masters/Seniors Championships in Brazil. Hate asking for sponsorships etc., and it seems whatever I have been doing, is not good enough to attract support in that fashion...Seems to be a repeat of my music career, where no matter how good I performed or how hard I worked, it was never enough. Hopefully Coach Jon, and Kelly will still go and bring back some medals!
One good thing, I started my Portuguese lessons Tuesday. Always wanted to learn a new language, but was never disciplined enough to do so. It was a bit easier than I thought (knock on wood) and will be good for me in competition and training. Anyway, I fight on. Thank you all for taking the time to read my writings. Means a lot that anyone would take time out of their day to see what is going on with me. God bless.

Thought For Today: When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

The warrior's intention should be simply to grasp his sword and to die.
- Kiyomasa Kato (1562-1611)

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