Weight was 203.2 this morning...
Getting old sure does suck...Have to have another procedure this upcoming Wednesday on my neck and shoulders as well this time...more about that later...
Training has been going ok, though I have been feeling a little unmotivated lately. Seems that in addition to my own insecurities about living up to the level I feel I've been on to date, others have the same doubts. Those folks are folks whose opinions I do respect. I've been working really hard to live up to my own expectations, but also to live up to what I think folks expect to see from a Brown Belt. (Not just a brown but one who can and does excel in competition, training, and teaching.)...I've gone about asking even more questions than I normally do, and worked to make certain the corrections I get from Coach Allen, Marcus, and my own study, get immediately assimilated into my game. The problem with and the beauty of Jiu-Jitsu is that it is very hard to have anything mastered immediately. Getting ready for the Mundials, I really feel as if I am behind and don't wish to have a poor showing because of this fact. I've had good rolls with everyone I've been with but, in a lot of circumstances I don't feel like I am fluid enough, nor do I get as many submissions as I should. (i.e. rolling where I get three, I feel I should have gotten double that or at least more...) ...I have been starting from bad positions (i.e. side mounted and allowing the person to cross-face...etc) and still making things work but something just does not feel right. I think a part of my problem is that I don't have any high competition level browns close to, at or above my weight to work with. for that matter not even any purples near my weight. I don't feel like I muscle anything, and watching my practice video confirms that, but it's still in the back of my head. I have so much floating in my head when I roll; between bullshit from my personal life, money, wanting to live up to expectations, and dealing with the constant physical issues and injuries; that I am very hesitant at best. My cardio is up to about a level where I can be comfortable if I have to go 5 or 6 Eight-Minute matches. Problem is, it takes about 2 of those for my shoulders/arms to give way, then I am training for position only and this is good and bad...Good because I am working my positional control and transitions, but bad because it takes away half of my game, and I don't get to work on that as much.
As for myself...Been going to Doc Zuber (http://www.planopmr.com) and getting relief from the ART and adjustments he employs, thing is I think between training, and for how long I've had the injuries (in addition to it may be more complicated) , the other issues I had are making things worse between my visits to him. Wednesday coming, I go back in, for another procedure on my neck and shoulders.I sure hope this works. The supraspinatus, infraspinatus, Brachial Plexus, and the c5 and c6 vertebrae are what is to be worked with. we wills ee how it affects training.
In reference to my last post, I have not worked enough it seems, to remove people and things from my circle of influence to allow me to be free of mind enough to get to where I wish to be, or at LEAST to be able to give the best possible effort. In fact, it seems I allow people and things back in that are nothing but hindrances. I've got to do better. Because I won't be able to accept not giving myself a chance.
I figured out why I want to be a World Champion at this. I've never felt good enough at anything I've ever done. I've gone out of my way to be liked, accepted, respected, etc...At times, I've done so in the very opposite and wrong way than should have been taken. I've turned the corner on that, but thing is, the validation of whatever level I've achieved is something I've never felt in the manner I wish it to be...Not in class, competitions, not back in my music, work, or anything. I have to work harder. I fight on.
Thought For The Day: Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.