Are You Experienced...Is It Me?

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His Time Cometh

Go Gettem!

They Made Me Bring Him Out

Once More Into The Breach

Back In The Day

Weight: 200.2

Just popping in to add a tad bit of an update on some things that have been bugging me. Well one big thing is I need to up my workload in an intelligent manner if I am to get my passing game correct. To do this, I need more work against people my size and ability level. I have to go above and beyond what I have been doing and be a bit more aggressive and focused in training. Lately, I've been scattered a bit when training trying to help others with their problems and also just kind of not following strictly enough the process necessary to improve on one thing at a time. Not sure what I need to do, but I have found that I have a few favorite passes (Knee up the middle, double under-hook to crush pass, and my half-guard option passes...The bullfighter pass is one I can do well but I prefer others) These will get priority, especially the knee up...
I also have to get more decisive and authoritative with my submissions specifically, but with everything in general. The difference I see from brown to black is to act decisively and achieve what you are acting on efficiently...I have not been doing so for a few reasons. One, as Marcus has said to me before as has Coach Allen, is that I am too nice. Bad intentions have to be had in order to make certain my aims are met. Often times, submissions or passes or positions I could get, I allow to pass and transition so as not to cause discomfort or punish my partner. This happens even as I roll with people whom I should not show such feeling to due to their level or intent. I must beat this out of me. Not sure how I will do it but, I will. This brings me to a situation I had rolling with a very new student who is strong as an Ox. Basically his level of strength afforded him the opportunity of just holding onto my arms or whatever he could in attempt to survive which caused a lot of problems as his strength was greater than mine to the point at several times I had to move and cause his grip to release in order to continue transitioning. My positioning and movement was dominant but I did not pull the trigger on several submissions (they presented themselves left and right as I used his grabbing and holding against him) so as not to discourage him by submitting him over and over. I attempted to do this by positional dominance and pressure so as to allow him to know he was being worked over but not have him feel it was hopeless...Bad mistake. The problem is, knowing that he needs to be taught by submitting him as often as possible does help to work against strength greater than mine, but it just feels wrong to do to someone so new. I gotta get rid of that feeling too.
anyways, brings me to something Coach Allen said which bothers me to this day. One day while riding he asked me why I didn't do many privates. He asked if I was just trying not to as he never really saw me doing any, and the other assistant instructors have plenty it seems. Now I have one guy who does get some, and another one or two who will every now and again but I help out with their technique anytime anyway as I do with the first guy I mentioned, but really, I haven't even been approached by many if anyone for privates. I've had one situation where I was asked about privates, quoted a price, and then had the guy go to someone else without ever telling me why, then coming back to ask about techniques often (That shit will stop.). I have alos had one guy ask and say he wanted some, but never said a thing about it again, and found out he was having some with another assistant instructor. That said, when in class, I am bombarded with questions. I stop what I am doing as I feel as an assistant instructor, it is my job to do so, and I help as much as I can. Even without being asked, I tell people what they should and shouldn't do, as it pains me to see things not done correctly if I can help. That said, through all I have done, been through, taught in class, and achieved, it kind of validates the feelings I have had of not being worthy of my belt. If people do not see me as someone with valuable skills enough to wish to pay for (i.e. they choose not to do so with me but with other people), then how can I hope to attract people to a school to learn from me? How can I feel like I am where I should be, if after all I've done to date it doesn't seem to matter where it counts? All I have done in tournaments etc, and it seems it is felt by my fellow students, that I am not enough to warrant helping to get ready for their own tournament forays. I hope that I have done nothing to offend anyone, or acted in a way that makes people shy away from wishing to have me train them for privates. I will have to make certain that I continue to progress and improve in my performance better than I have been doing so I will show myself worthy. Anyways, that all said, there are a very few who I will continue to give tips to if they wish it, and I will continue to teach the class on Sundays, but outside that, my role as an assistant instructor/coach will be as limited as Coach Allen will allow. I have lots to focus on, and have to make certain I am progressing and going forward as I already have enough problems in every day life holding me back, so this needs to be let go. Funny, this all comes on the heels of me having a semi-epiphany that I would just go for it and work on getting into my own school before my birthday (preferably in Late Jan. or Early Feb.). Guess I need to re-think that....Anyways, I have a lot I need to work through. I guess putting it here is therapy....I fight on...


Thought For The Day: If you can accept losing, you can not win.





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